Fighting with your couple is not only the worst but also part of any relationship. Sometimes can be unsettling and uncomfortable, and more important, no one likes to fight with their partner.
And though you might not like to do it, sometimes we end in a fight and start making arguments worse without even knowing it.
Though everyone is used to have a small tiff with their couple, and they know that these can be solved in a second, there are moments where screaming and yelling are involved and you can start questioning your relationship.
At the end of a fight you are not thinking, “this was fun!” and, if you are in a healthy relationship you probably worked things together and solve the issue.
Now, there’s no reason to think that fighting is a bad thing. Most people don’t know that is healthy behavior in any relationship. In fact, there are fights that can be helpful and others that aren’t. A fight can benefit a couple in helping them to learn more about the other. By the other hand, the negative side of an argument is when you are not learning and instead you are following unhealthy patterns.
According to psychologist Sara Altschule, who wrote about this issue in Bustle, explains that there are many ways that can worsen any fight with your partner, and “These unproductive ways of communicating often lead to an even bigger argument or more heated emotions.”
Next, seven ways that you can make any fight with your partner worse:
Using Name Calling
Sometimes, in a heated discussion someone can be a rude or saying hurtful things. And most of all, harmful words are really difficult to take back.
This is highly important because if you go and start calling your partner with names or you suddenly tell him/her something harsh, there are high chances that your partner will remember it forever, something that can lead him/her to lose respect for you or worse.
Keep always in mind that name-calling is one of the most disrespectful behaviors that exist. According to Altschule, “start calling yourself out if you’re calling your loved one rude names or insulting them unnecessarily, because it is never a good thing.”
This is one of the ways to worsen any argument. When yelling you are doing more than just raising your vocal cords. It also increases the heat in any discussion.
Most people feel like yelling is the only way to let out the anger and frustration. But, this is a behavior that is commonly learned from unhealthy patterns that you saw while growing up.
If you are someone who needs to yell in arguments, “it’s probably time to change these learned patterns and create healthier ones (that don’t hurt your ears), like taking a break or a walk before saying anything at all.” Altschule writes.
Using “Always” And “Never”
According to Altschule, when someone wants to give a dramatic effect to their words they start using the words “always” or “never.” Now, this is only a thing that can be used in movies. In real life, these words might upset your partner or become more heated.
Altschule suggests, “Make sure you use caution with these words and only say them if you truly mean it. Don’t be the girl or boy who cried ‘you are always on your phone’ or you ‘never spend time with me’.”
It’s simple, there’s no one in this world who likes to be compared with another person – especially during a heated discussion.
There are times that someone compares their partner with another person or an ex with the only purpose to make a point. But sadly, this is not something that will make your partner to understand you.
“It’s only going to make him or her see red. Make sure you are just sticking to the main characters in this discussion, which would be you and your partner.” Altschule writes.
You Bring Up The Past
There’s a reason why is called the past. And bringing up something from it during an argument is a really bad idea, for not saying that a heated discussion is the worst time to do it so.
According to Altschule, “even if you’re trying to give your partner an example, make sure you are staying on topic. Bringing up how he or she ‘didn’t do this or that’ a couple months ago is only going to cause an even bigger mess.”
You Shut Down
It might be really easy to just shut down if you are tired of arguing. The problem is that if you do this you are also shutting down the entire communication with your partner. And this means that things are not going to get solved. Is completely normal to take a couple of minutes to regroup, but always remember to come back and work to fix the problem.
Altschule explains that “you can’t except to instantly stop talking to someone or acknowledging their concerns, and simply restart without any problems. It doesn’t work on a computer, nor in your relationship.”
Negative Body Language
Most people are unaware that the body is highly involved in any communication interaction, and it can express emotions really well. Let’s be honest, you will get angry if your partner rolls their eyes during an argument. There are a lot of information behind crossed arms or a simple shake of your head.
According to Altschule, “make sure to keep your body in check while discussing things with your significant other, and things will go a lot more smoothly.”